It's 5 minutes to midnite. I'm sitting here on the couch, alone, Greatful Dead final concert at Winterland on PBS (no pledge commercials, all GD). Nice...
And I am sitting her, it's cold, and the laptop's like a warm cat on my lap.
And I pull an inspiration out of my glass (pipe) and google the show.
I get this:
http://www.gdforum.com/cgi-bin/mojo/mojo.cgi?flavor=archive&list=hotline&id=20030822203147
Above's a link, but I guess this software don't do links.
IT's midnite...Happy New Year to everyone alive.
We are secure and so am I.
Thank you for it all.
Balloons on Leno, and he takes a glass of champain up to his wife.
ANd Times Square erupts into a lot of confeti, and security.
Ant they , and I wish you and me, and the Gretful Dead, the best to auld lang zine.
I'm lost, post publish and i'm outta here. Bottle Rocket out thewindow time!
DRIX OUT
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Thursday, December 25, 2003
GIFTING - how to avoid and yet not lose out.
OKAY... It's December 25th and it's 10:10 am, and I'm alone here in my HIGH STREET ATTIC and I thought this question. WHY NOT START TO USE MY BLOG, thinks I?
Answer: I dunno why not?
SO, here's my re-begining of my blogness.
FIRST NEW STORY and THOUGHT
This year marks the pinnacle of my Holiday Season Avoidance. For months now I have carefully AVOIDING all present shopping, swapping situations, and all the frantic, manic and fearful, shameful, must-do'ness that goes with it. I'm sure this was not the original intentions of the situation, but it (to me) has digressed to panic buying and I'm too broke to do that at all. From choice, I'm hoping my poverty will promote me to a higher level. (so mis-understood by many)
So, my story of GIFTING goes like this.
I was sitting here yesterday (xmas eve) all calm and quiet and the Ferrell family decended upon me in my lair. Me buddy Don showed up first and gave me a tiny clear bag of "handy stuff," like a box of tea, a few lighters and a nice big candle. Simple and useful, and not necessarily a formal enought GIFT to be expecting a reply gift, which I did not have.
Then, his wife Merit showed up and came right at me with a wrapped present in her hands. RIGHT AT ME!!! Yikes, no where to avoid it. She smiled big and held a wrapped present right in front of her and came right at me saying, "Ohhh look, HERE is a GIFT for DRIX!!!" Sheesh, I was helpless and hideless as this GIFTING found me here alone and supposedly safe in my lair.
And as the custom is supposed to go, because I hadn't shopped and planned ahead for GIFTING REPLYS, I was left with INSTANT SHAME and GUILT as I had NO GIFT to give back. I was cornered, right here in the same tiny room I'm writing this.
I could do no "GIFTING", so I felt so wrong and the shame of my income, lifestyle, and priorities rose right to the top again, instantly. DING! All the media frenzy of commercials for the last zillion years raced through my head as I had ignored their warnings and not SHOPPED enough. Or any, in my case. So, I had NO GIFT for Merit in reply. Yikes and sheesh.
I had avoided this so carefully, till now it was coming right at me full strength. The "GIFTING" thing was right there IN MY FACE and I couldn't avoid it at all.
So.... what did I do?
Well, thinking quickly, I said thank you, and accepted took the wrapped present and put it lovingly here on my desk. She said, "now don't forget to open it." and I said ok. Then we laughed and they left. She was happy for giving, and I received it as my gift. That simple. A warm thank you was all it took.
THE LESSON here, that hit me after a bit of reflection... is it's NOT GIVING GIFTS that is the whole thing. It's RECEIVING the gifts that sometimes is all you have to do.
I figured MERIT (or whomever) just wants to give the gift. It's the GIVING that they want to do, and not so much the getting. Nobody talks about that, but accepting is so difficult anymore without re-gifting, but I did and feel okay about it now.
Wierd, but true.
So, I have since spoken to my "bro" Win(k) and he wisely told me that's one of the lessons of being sober (and living a balanced life) too.
To accept gracefullysez he. ... Hmmm, sez I.
So, I learned something NEW and FRESH this year. That the "GIFTING" is a voluntary thing that some like to do. It's NOT MANDATORY, and if I chose not to do it, that's ok.
I just need to remember, to connect with these people, I just need to RECEIVE GRACEFULLY... so there's my lesson. And yes.. it's still here, unopened on my desk, and Merit, I'm sure, is so happy cause she GAVE me a gift. So slow smart I grow. And this story is my gift to you. Accept it if you see how happy I am just to give it. Long story, but hey... it's my blog, and I wanted to GIVE IT to you and that's all.
dr:x
Answer: I dunno why not?
SO, here's my re-begining of my blogness.
FIRST NEW STORY and THOUGHT
This year marks the pinnacle of my Holiday Season Avoidance. For months now I have carefully AVOIDING all present shopping, swapping situations, and all the frantic, manic and fearful, shameful, must-do'ness that goes with it. I'm sure this was not the original intentions of the situation, but it (to me) has digressed to panic buying and I'm too broke to do that at all. From choice, I'm hoping my poverty will promote me to a higher level. (so mis-understood by many)
So, my story of GIFTING goes like this.
I was sitting here yesterday (xmas eve) all calm and quiet and the Ferrell family decended upon me in my lair. Me buddy Don showed up first and gave me a tiny clear bag of "handy stuff," like a box of tea, a few lighters and a nice big candle. Simple and useful, and not necessarily a formal enought GIFT to be expecting a reply gift, which I did not have.
Then, his wife Merit showed up and came right at me with a wrapped present in her hands. RIGHT AT ME!!! Yikes, no where to avoid it. She smiled big and held a wrapped present right in front of her and came right at me saying, "Ohhh look, HERE is a GIFT for DRIX!!!" Sheesh, I was helpless and hideless as this GIFTING found me here alone and supposedly safe in my lair.
And as the custom is supposed to go, because I hadn't shopped and planned ahead for GIFTING REPLYS, I was left with INSTANT SHAME and GUILT as I had NO GIFT to give back. I was cornered, right here in the same tiny room I'm writing this.
I could do no "GIFTING", so I felt so wrong and the shame of my income, lifestyle, and priorities rose right to the top again, instantly. DING! All the media frenzy of commercials for the last zillion years raced through my head as I had ignored their warnings and not SHOPPED enough. Or any, in my case. So, I had NO GIFT for Merit in reply. Yikes and sheesh.
I had avoided this so carefully, till now it was coming right at me full strength. The "GIFTING" thing was right there IN MY FACE and I couldn't avoid it at all.
So.... what did I do?
Well, thinking quickly, I said thank you, and accepted took the wrapped present and put it lovingly here on my desk. She said, "now don't forget to open it." and I said ok. Then we laughed and they left. She was happy for giving, and I received it as my gift. That simple. A warm thank you was all it took.
THE LESSON here, that hit me after a bit of reflection... is it's NOT GIVING GIFTS that is the whole thing. It's RECEIVING the gifts that sometimes is all you have to do.
I figured MERIT (or whomever) just wants to give the gift. It's the GIVING that they want to do, and not so much the getting. Nobody talks about that, but accepting is so difficult anymore without re-gifting, but I did and feel okay about it now.
Wierd, but true.
So, I have since spoken to my "bro" Win(k) and he wisely told me that's one of the lessons of being sober (and living a balanced life) too.
To accept gracefullysez he. ... Hmmm, sez I.
So, I learned something NEW and FRESH this year. That the "GIFTING" is a voluntary thing that some like to do. It's NOT MANDATORY, and if I chose not to do it, that's ok.
I just need to remember, to connect with these people, I just need to RECEIVE GRACEFULLY... so there's my lesson. And yes.. it's still here, unopened on my desk, and Merit, I'm sure, is so happy cause she GAVE me a gift. So slow smart I grow. And this story is my gift to you. Accept it if you see how happy I am just to give it. Long story, but hey... it's my blog, and I wanted to GIVE IT to you and that's all.
dr:x
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